Why we need to fiercely guard our attention

Surfing requires focus. So does living a thriving life.

Our focus, or our attention, is precious. We need it to learn and work effectively, make healthy decisions, feel a state of flow, avoid errors, build relationships and solve issues. We need attention to do everything that has consequences, and to feel that we are living authentic to ourselves. Allowing our attention to be driven by external factors disconnects us from ourselves, puts us on a fast track to exhaustion, and eventually burns us out.

Ever had a conversation while you were also checking your emails or scrolling socials? Ok, we all have. This kind of attempted “multitasking” ends up leaving us nowhere — neither fully attentive to the conversation, nor particularly effective at dealing with those emails.

You hang up not really sure what the other person said, how they were feeling or even missing the substance of the conversation and having to piece it together later (see how inefficient this can get?).

And it’s a yucky thing to do to the other person, to yourself, and to your relationship with that person, whatever the nature of your relationship might be. Attention is a form of respect and in some senses, love.

“Where attention goes, energy flows.” — James Redfield

Attention is a limited resource.

We convince ourselves that our multitasking is efficient— yet research shows that when we attempt to multitask, we become less productive, not more.

Plus, the vast quantity of information we (sometimes inadvertently) consume on a daily basis not only absorbs our precious time — it also erodes our ability to concentrate and think deeply. Powerful financial incentives (cogently described in Netflix’s The Social Dilemma) mean tech companies relentlessly vie for our precious attention.

These companies’ tactics exploit deep-rooted cognitive biases: we are biologically wired to pay attention to anything referring to us, to look for news and new things, and to crave the approval of our community. These corporations and their shareholders reap the rewards of successfully grabbing and holding our attention, while the substantial damage to us — our attention, our psyche, our life — is irrelevant to their business model.

This damage is borne by each of us as individuals as well as our communities and society. And, because it has negative implications for our decision making and capacity to prioritize, the impact of this damage to our attention is pushed out into the future.

Why is paying attention so hard?

Humans are naturally prone to disruption: we pounce to react to new information as a survival instinct. Plus, for many, having all the information and feeling fully up to date — whether it’s the news or the latest decision by their CEO — is an ego boost and gives us a sense of control.

And underneath this, for many of us, is a lurking unwillingness to be still and present with our thoughts. Living in Morocco, I would catch a bus into Agadir to get groceries at the souk. There was no bus schedule — buses would just occasionally roll through from Taghazout to the north, headed for center of Agadir to the south. At first, waiting for the bus drove me nuts — having previously lived in Amsterdam, I was used to the planning and delightfully predictable precision of the Dutch public transport system, and not knowing arrival or departure times sucked. I didn’t even have a smart phone to wile away the minutes, and would end up stewing, angry at how stupid this non-system was.

Eventually, I started to embrace the frequent, inevitable, inescapable bouts of waiting that formed part of life in Morocco. I stared at the beautiful sky, or studied the half-built skyline of Tamraght, my home town. Soon, I started recognizing fellow bus passengers, and would test my fledgling Moroccan Arabic on them, to their amusement. I’d watch a herder guide a herd of camels down towards the beach, or simply watch traffic pass. Waiting became time to just “be”, rather than “do”. It feel freeing.

How to protect your attention

The constant offense on and competition for our attention, focus and patience will not disappear anytime soon — so, for our own peace and sanity, and in order to protect ourselves from burnout, we need to take active measures to guard our attention and our minds (and hearts).

None of these tips will be new to you. The thing is, (a) they work, and (b) doing things that work usually requires some effort. So before you delve in, get clear on your motivation: understand why your attention is precious, and important, and YOURS. Own your attention. And start actively owning your attention by doing things like:

• Don’t go online until at least 30 minutes after you wake up. Use this time to shower, eat breakfast, make a cup of coffee, do some yoga — whatever it is, do it with total presence.

• Put your phone on airplane mode at a fixed time at the end of each day — as early as possible.

• Focus your attention during conversations on the other person, their words and if you can see them, their face and gestures. Notice when your attention wanders, and draw it back so that you are listening fully. Observe without judgment if this is hard for you (it is for most of us!).

• Make a commitment not to check work emails between certain hours of the day — this might adjust day to day or, if you love structure, you can block time structurally every day.

• If you find yourself constantly reaching for your phone, start conducting experiments: leave it at home when you go for a run or a walk, or when you’re meeting a friend for coffee. Delete apps and unfollow people, brands and groups that make you feel in any way lesser. Be ruthless in protecting your attention and your energy (more on nixing energy zappers in an upcoming article).

• Announce your attention boundaries to family and friends: tell people if you don’t want them to check messages while you are conversing, or if you do not want phones used at the dinner table or between certain hours. Especially with kids, be bold about setting and maintaining boundaries — it will empower them to perhaps do the same in the future.

“Once we learn to stably regulate our attention, we can be fully present in our joy, compassion, and love; in turn, we can deny oxygen to our anger, anxiety, and self-cherishing. This is the first step towards lasting inner tranquility.” — Kyle Parton

Different people have different thresholds when it comes to how much digital attention grabbing does damage. My threshold is low, so I need all of the ideas listed above and more.

Luckily, I know from experience how important directing my energy is. I was raised in a daily-newspaper family. A big chunk of my identity was attached to being totally up to date on global and domestic political affairs. But the time and mental space this took up was getting out of hand.

Setting boundaries

So, a few years back, from one day to the next, I stopped reading the newspaper and banned myself from a few websites. My ego took a hit (I felt ignorant, which my ego hates feeling) — but it freed up a shitload of time and energy for the things that I wanted to focus on. Eventually I was able to reintegrate news into my routine — but in such a way that it feels nourishing, not draining. Especially during these pandemic-y times, this evaluation remains an important part of my attention management plan.

These days, I am attentive every time my hand reaches towards my phone, whether as a passenger in the car, or while the kettle boils, or waiting for a document to download. Instead of seeing every five seconds of spare time as an opportunity to check email or socials, I’m training myself to deep breathe instead, tune into the sensations in my body and be present.

I also endeavor to make my conversations just that — a conversation, not me also sorting laundry, doing admin or texting. I try to avoid conversing while driving as I tend to lose focus, feel distracted and become needlessly louder when on speakerphone in the car (does anyone else do this or is it just…? ok never mind).

And I’m big into airplane mode and blocking time when I need to focus on a piece of work, or do something else important, such as sleep.

“Social media robs us of the moments that could counterbalance our burnout.” — Anne Helen Petersen

"But I can't...."

If aspects of your work might make attention-related boundaries difficult to implement, zoom out and get clear on what is realistic. If you find yourself making excuses, such as “That just wouldn’t work in my industry”, or “I’ll get fired if I don’t respond to emails immediately,” take a moment to assess the validity of this statement. If you’re making this kind of rationalisation, step back and evaluate:

• Is this strictly true?

• Do you have colleagues or know friends who are able to set this sort of boundary — if so, how do they manage it?

• If you don’t know, ask them and learn from them.

• Do you have a manager who insists on presenteeism? Talk to HR or someone else who might be able to help change the situation.

• Is it a client who has outrageous demands on your availability? Then it’s time to delineate your boundaries and communicate this clearly.

If you find yourself struggling to manage your attention and set healthy boundaries around devices, or making then breaking rules, it’s worth talk to a coach or therapist about the beliefs you have about yourself, your work, and your worth.