The first step to burnout recovery

This is kind of what burnout recovery can feel like

As part of the research for my book about burnout, I interviewed people who have been through burnout and come out the other side. My list of questions is long: I find this topic ridiculously fascinating.

When I ask what advice they would give to a friend who was on the brink of burning out, one of the recurring answers is take time away from work. Now.

And I totally agree — this is absolutely essential to burnout recovery. Why?

Time and space away from work gives us the physical, mental and emotional break we need to restore our bodies, minds and hearts to a point where we can see clearly and make wise decisions.

So, what if taking time off for burnout recovery just doesn’t feel like an option?

The Monday after I collapsed at Nantes airport, I marched into the HR department of the Amsterdam law firm where I was working and announced, “I am not coping” (I didn’t use the word burnout, because, denial).

This set into motion a bunch of very European concepts: an appointment was made with the company doctor; he informed me that I was suffering from stress; he prescribed sessions with a life coach and one day off a week for eight weeks, at which point we would we reevaluate my health (it ended up being extended for another twelve weeks).

I picked Wednesday for my day off, as a kind of mid-week weekend, and would wander my neighborhood in Amsterdam, deeply fascinated and perplexed by the sheer number of people who were not in an office on a weekday.

What were these people doing?

Everyone pushing a Bugaboo or tapping away at a laptop while mainlining espressos, ok, I could decipher their reasons. But there seemed to be a lot of people who weren’t doing either of these — who had the audacity to not be in the office on a mid-week morning.

I had swallowed the corporate law pill so deep, I didn’t know life existed outside the office. My jaw dropped as I realized: I had options.

So, how to find time? Here are the official positions in Europe, Australia and the US.

The official position

If you’re in Europe or Australia and you are employed by a company there are options available, as the regulatory infrastructure around mental health and the workplace is more advanced and the stigma much lower than in other (cough, the US, cough) countries.

Labor laws in the Netherlands, for example, really look out for employees in these situations. Talk to HR immediately.

In the United States, if you’ve worked somewhere longer than 12 months, you are officially entitled to take up to 12 weeks unpaid leave for serious illness including mental health — but there are a bunch of caveats which make this challenging (and did I mention it’s unpaid? Some employers will continue to pay you, but they are not obliged to).

Check your contract, talk to HR or a sympathetic colleague or boss. Get clear on what your options are — depending on the organisation you work for, you might have some great options available.

But what if you don’t have any great options? Or, you run your own business and cannot afford to take time off? It’s easy to become stuck in burnout in these situations — we feel powerless to change, and end up feeling trapped, dreading every day, just ‘surviving’.

Burnout can quickly feel like an overwhelming and demoralizing trap.

And yet, with every single coaching client who didn’t think they had time, I’ve been able to help them find it.

Here’s how to take matters into your own hands.

1. Look at your schedule and work out where you can find thirty minutes for yourself each day. Block that time and spend it (a) without your phone (b) doing something that relaxes you. Go for a walk. Read fiction. Do a breathing exercise.

   
   

2. After a week or so of doing this, look at your schedule again and work out where you can take an entire day for yourself. If that’s not feasible, a half day. If you need to, reschedule appointments, or get people to step in and help out to create that time for yourself. Block that time and spend it doing something that matters to you, something you haven’t done for a while (visit a museum, meet a friend for a coffee, write in a journal, go to the beach or elsewhere into nature). Touch your phone as little as possible (ideally, not at all).

   
   

3. Look at your schedule again and work out where you can take a week for yourself. If you can’t afford a holiday or it’s not feasible (for example because, like, a pandemic is happening), take a week off work and stay at home.

   
   

   1. Turn the Wifi off on your computer — it’s only for offline use (make a list of things you want to Google later, if that helps)

   2. Block times of the day where you don’t touch your phone and bury it somewhere during those times

   3. Sleep

   4. Eat food and do things that nourish you

   5. Find a physical activity (yin yoga, a beach walk) that gives you energy, rather than taking it

   6. Nap

   7. If you’re up to it, take some time to reflect on how you feel about your work, and what your longer-term options might be (if you don’t feel up to it, skip this)

   
   

4. If number 3 is totally unfeasible, do these same things over a weekend.

If you have kids this will be more complicated — but find ways to carve out time that’s yours. All yours. More yours than it has been for as long as you can remember. Because that’s what you need to start moving out of burnout and into brilliance.

What to do if none of these are realistic?

Does even thinking about doing any of these make you feel overwhelmed, or numb, or resentful — or even really angry at me for even suggesting it?

Then it’s time to ask for help.

You need perspective, and it’s impossible to get clear perspective when you are too deep in burnout. If you can’t see how to make time, you need someone to help you find ways to prioritise yourself.

Ask. For. Help.

Call or text a trusted friend right now and tell them you’re struggling. Tell them you need help coping. This is not weakness, this is STRENGTH. If you don’t believe me go read or watch some Brené Brown right now.

I also strongly recommend speaking to a coach or a therapist — there are subsidised options if your healthcare doesn’t cover this or you don’t have healthcare.

Taking time is essential to restoring your energy so that you are able to overcome burnout. And if you can’t find time yourself, get someone’s help right now. You have options, I promise.