How social connections help prevent burnout
- Sally Clarke
- Jul 11
- 5 min read
Human connection is as essential to our survival as food and water. We are deeply social beings. And yet, we are often so focused on work that we allow our relationships and sense of community to slip down our to-do list, leaving us feeling isolated, unsupported, and even unsafe.
“When people feel they belong to one another, their lives are stronger, richer, and more joyful.” — Dr. Vivek Murthy
Having people in your life with whom you feel safe and seen helps you cope with stress and ride out the storms. Zillions of studies show how important relationships are to our overall wellbeing.
And yet, even though most people say that relationships are the most important thing in their lives, many of us end up prioritising work over the people we love, again and again. In modern society, honestly, it’s hard not to.
I’m not trying to guilt you: I have allowed my actions to make work more important than relationships countless times. But recently, I’ve also seen how essential strong relationships with people who make you feel safe and seen are to your healthy and wellbeing.
Preventing burnout means resisting the temptation to let your important relationships go untended, and making a conscious effort to foster and maintain your own community — whatever that looks like.
Growing your community boils down to two things:
(1) fostering the healthy relationships you already have
(2) being open to new ones
Let’s start with the people you already know.
Make existing social connections stronger
Our community doesn’t just survive without effort, which is why, when we burn out, we often lose friends and damage relationships. I sure as hell did.
If you are in burnout right now, you may not have the energy to work on relationships. In a later series of posts, I’ll share the first three steps to recovering from burnout so you have that energy back.
If you’re not burnt out (yay!), there are loads of ways you can nourish our relationships and tend to your community.
Reflect for a moment: who are the people with whom you can laugh, cry, share affection, share physical affection, have positive social interactions, feel understood, seen or recognized, who are good listeners, who offer you the space you need to express yourself?
Make a list now:
People I laugh with:
People I can be open and vulnerable with:
People I can discuss [sports / knitting / travel / fashion / cats / gaming / politics / whatever your interests are] with:
People I can hug / share affection with:
People who get me, who make me feel seen and safe:
List as many as you can. Yay! It’s your community! You might be feeling warm and fuzzy just thinking about these peeps.
Now, reach out to a few of these people — even pinging a text or sharing a meme is a way of showing you care (one friend and I communicate almost exclusively via memes, and I adore it).
My community
As someone who has lived on four continents, has dual nationality, travels extensively and has elected not to have kids, my community looks FUCKING WEIRD on paper. And yet, I would be nothing without these peeps:
my mum and sister in Australia
my brother in Rio de Janeiro
my adopted family, the Ligtharts, in the Netherlands
several close friends in Morocco and southern Portugal
my eight amazing mates from law school, the ALSS, with whom I have kept up continuous email correspondence since 2001
my two half-brothers, one niece and two nephews in Australia
“#champagnefever”, my NZ-Aus posse which formed in Amsterdam and bonded over inter alia France’s finest sparkling wine
a few key randoms including a mate in LA and a Swedish friend in Hilversum
Since quitting as a lawyer and working for myself, I have focused more on tending to relationships and it has paid dividends. I am not perfect — a few years ago, when a close friend’s dear Dad died, I was totally not there for her and regret it to this day (especially right now). Still, I have much more time and energy to invest in these relationships than in the days where 80-hour working weeks were the norm.
I’ve also met many new people since I quit as a lawyer, and these new friendships form an important part of my evolving sense of foundation and identity.
That’s why, in addition to focusing on our existing community, it is also important to continue to create new relationships, so we continue to grow and learn through every phase of life. How? Read on.
“People’s health, wellbeing, everything in life, is way better if you’re connected with other people. That social network, that each of you have each other’s back, that they’re there for you and you’re there for them, that’s like money in the bank. That’s a precious, precious resource.” — burnout researcher Dr. Christina Maslach
Create new bonds
Growing your community is not something to attempt when you are still crispy at the edges from burn out. When you’re deep in the exhaustion, cynicism, inefficacy and existential crisis that constitutes burnout, you do not have the energy or perspective, and will probably not want to reach out and create new bonds. You may barely have the energy to tend to existing ones.
But when you are ready — once you have progressed your recovery to the point where you are feeling more rested and energetic — it’s important to grow your sense of connection with other people further to feel that you are a part of something larger, so you can foster, nourish and embody your sense of being known, seen and safe in the world.
Starting to feel greater connection with those around you doesn’t mean you have to run off and join a bunch of social clubs. It can start with simple appreciation that just by being here, you are connected with thousands of people.
Think of the barista who made your coffee this morning, and the people who picked the coffee beans. The carpenter who built your kitchen table, or the driver who delivered it. All the people who contributed to the creation of your cell phone.
We are never completely self-sufficient nor alone.
Start by conducting experiments:
say hi to and/or smile at least one stranger per day
make conversation at the grocery store check out
someone you follow shares something awesome on X or Insta? Send them a DM saying “that was awesome!”
find like-minded people in your local area pursuing the same or similar hobbies
when the opportunity arises, chat to friends of friends. Many of my strongest friendships have occurred after introduction by mutual friends
start a new hobby
if you work for yourself, explore joining a coworking space – coming to Happy Spaces in Torquay is one of the best decisions I've ever made.
What would you add to this list?
Originally published on Medium.
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